Take back what i said earlier.... patience is VASTLY overrated....

Someone please explain to me why whenever you are dreading something it comes way too quickly and whenever you are looking forward to something it takes FOREVER to get here? Case in point.... tax day? Always comes sooner than you were expecting..... Christmas? Always takes longer to arrive at. I don't understand. But coming from someone who's survived 24 Christmas mornings.... patience and I do not get along. Well, let me rephrase. If I know what I'm waiting for, and I know that regardless of how long I wait I will get what it is I'm waiting for- it isn't that bad. However, if I'm waiting for something with no solid guarantee that I'm going to get it.....issues!

You can't tell that I'm counting down to something can you? I have just one question.... is it tomorrow yet? ;)

Summer of surprises....and spiritual moments

God does answer our prayers. Sometimes in very simple ways- where we have to be paying close attention in order to pick up on it. Other times- he bangs it against our heads "can you hear me NOW?" :) But tonight- in listening to a friend's life experience, I had the same thing happen to me that has happened all summer long. I was where I needed to be and I heard what I needed to hear- what God wanted me to hear. And, looking back, I think I got my answer a long time ago- this was just helping me to understand better, to completely realize. Because sometimes, because we're human and because God is ever patient and loving- he has to repeat himself. :)

But, in this moment in my life, I am so grateful he did. This summer has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. And the best part? It isn't over yet! :)

Trust your instincts

Ever find it annoying the moments where you know something, you just KNOW and there are those around you who want to talk you out of it? Or want to convince you that you are wrong? Or worse- completely ignore the fact that every fiber in your being, every ounce of your conscience, every muscle in your body is telling you to follow your instincts. I mean, if we can't trust ourselves, who can we trust? God will let us know if the pathways we are following are good or evil. The scriptures tell us that. It also reminds us that when we get the answer- whether it be a burning in the bosom or a feeling of peace on the matter- we need to trust in that answer and live with that answer. Just sometimes, I forget that and I let other people try to talk me in or out of what my heart and my head lay in front of me. I know what I know and no one can take that away from me. I can look for assurance, I can look for support but at the end of the day, what I do with my life is between me and God. And if I can't trust him, I can't trust anyone. So, with that.... I send my love to my best friend who just had the happiest day of her life today. She looked so beautiful and so joyful. That's how it should be. That's how it should it look. That's how it should it feel. When it's right, it's right. Period. Trust me- this is one area where I know what I'm talking about. :)

Where God wants me...

So I entered this summer with this philosophy...I throw my hat into several different rings and wherever God wanted me is where I'd end up. I signed up for some institute classes, auditioned for some musicals and volunteered to be an EFY counselor. (That's a summer youth program for the LDS church.) Then I sat back and waited to see what direction life would take me.

Well- I currently am taking a world religion class- which I only have time for one more session due to rehearsal. I made Seussical the Musical out in Sandy and just in the two rehearsals we've had, I can see why God wanted me in this production. The people are incredibly kind and extremely talented. We have bonded already and we're not even a week in. That's bodes well for the rest of the summer.

Then, I also received word I'm accepted to be an EFY counselor for a Sandy session the middle of June. I am very excited about this one. It's an opportunity for me to serve the youth in a period of their life that is one of the hardest. i don't know about you, but junior high and the first year in high school were hell for me. It's that awkward stage where you are trying to figure out who you are with an entire society telling who you should be and some obnoxious classmates trying to make you feel bad for being who you are. It's the period of life where you learn to depend on yourself (with divine providence) and learn to say "I love who I am. I love who I am becoming. And world- you better watch out because I'm on my way." It took me a while to learn that, but I've been blessed beyond words once I applied it and I look forward to helping these youth do the same.

ON top of that- I get to go the temple open house, visited Bryce Canyon-Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument-Capitol Reef over Memorial Day and am traveling to the Utah Shakespearan Festival and Tuacahn Amphitheater at the end of August. (After my musical of course.) A very fun filled and fulfilling summer.

And a budding social life on top of that. Though, I'm back where I was a few weeks ago. Waiting for news. Patience and I do not get along! :) But, I'm very happy with the blessings God has sent my way these past couple of weeks and I'm excited to see what else he has in store for me. Because not only do I know that I'm meant to be where I am- but perhaps there is someone in any of these situations who needs to not only learn something from me but teach something to me. So, I need to be around them as much as they need to be around me. That's a fun way of looking at life. After all, life isn't about the moments you breathe but about the moments that take your breathe away.

The Lords knows what he's doing...

I have a new mantra for life. Either you trust the Lord or you don't. It's easy to say, not quite as easy to do. Life is not a scattered array of coincidences stretched beneath our feet leading in a million different directions. Everything happens for a reason. Truth, sometimes we don't know or don't understand what those reasons are. There may be some things we won't fully understand until we leave this world for the next. My old seminary teacher used to describe it this way. "It's my bookshelf for heaven. Whenever I have a question about something, i put it on my bookshelf. After I die, I'll open up the books and ask."

From a personal stand point, people have asked me "what was the reason why your mother died when you were 18?" People have asked me questions along the lines of "why did the holocaust happen?" "Why did a baby have to die in a car accident?" "Why were so many killed in the tsunami?" I don't have the answers to all of that. What I know is based on what I've been taught growing up, what I've experienced in my life and what I believe to be true. I've had too many instances in my life where things just lined up for the best. People came into my life at the exact moment I needed them. Hope was restored to me in moments where I thought I couldn't go on. Peace enveloped me in moments of deepest despair and grief. And love pushed it's way through even the darkest and dreariest of days. I've seen many miracles in my life. And i've learned that God works on his own time table. We can't even begin to comprehend all that he can comprehend. There are times we are given glimpses but he knows what is best for us. He will not lead us astray. I take comfort in that.

I do trust God. I trust that he knows what he is doing and that he knows what I am capable of doing, what I am capable of becoming. Sometimes in life, you just have to throw your hands up and say "okay God. You take over." it's like the Carrie Underwood song 'Jesus, take the wheel" "because I can't do it on my own." I would never want to try and live life-go through life alone. What a marvelous truth to know that I don't have to. Either you trust God or you don't. You can look at what you have to go through in life and think "what is God trying to teach me?" One lesson I'm still working on is patience. Using faith as a tool, I'm getting better at that principle. Things happen at their proper times. You cannot force life. Besides, think of all the things you'd miss. "life is what happens when we're busy making other plans." So, take a breather. Look at the beauty all around you. "and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance..."

C

life

Life constantly suprises me. I feel a little guility today. I had a wonderful weekend this past weekend. I was able to get away from some of the troubles that have followed me around these last weeks. I put aside all my problems, all my sorrows and allowed myself to relax and enjoy the beauty and peace around me. I talked with people i'm close to and spent some quality time with my family. I felt, for the first time in a long time, that i was happy. Truly happy.

Come to find out one of family friend's dog died on Thursday. Then, friend from high school and a boy who was one class below me died on the same day. One in a car accident- the other they're not sure. So here I am, happy with life, dancing in circles and thanking my creator for all my many blessings- and there are three families dealing with loss. I'm not equating losing a pet to losing a daughter or son- but it is still a loss. For the families of my two high school classmates, I can't even imagine what they are going through. Both of these people were only 23 years old. My age.

That's a humbling thought. Someone just like me. Someone who went to school with me. In one moment, they move across the veil from this world to the next. Now I lost my mom at 18. I know what's it like to lose someone so close to you, lose a part of your family. Two in one day? What would happen if now that my life is finally on a upswing- something were to happen to me?

Life is so fragile. Life is so precious. We have to hold on to every moment, hold on to every person we love. For one day, they too will pass on. And one day, it will be us.

Where have you been? Taking care of something UGLY

So I haven't done this in a while. I wonder if there are countless numbers of people out there losing sleep over what I have been up to the past couple of months. What crazy acts of mischief have I been getting into? What mishapen adventures have I been on? What kind of interesting people have I run across? What unforgettable memories have I forged in the time since my last blog?
Come on people. you really think my life is that exciting? Ha! Well, I did organize a train ride for about a hundred Make A Wish children for Christmas on the Polar Express. That was fun. Hmm.....went to the Universtiy of Utah basketball game against Gonzaga and nearly had a heart attach. Then watched the University of Utah roll over Alabama in the Sugar Bowl which gave me another almost heart attack. (ONLY UNDEAFETED IN THE NATION BABY!!) On that same token, I was one of the thousands of people lined up and down State Street for the Champions Parade. That was pretty nifty. I have never been so happy to see that much red in one place.
The new year has bgrought some new changes and new challenges. I've had to make some difficult decisions and came to some heartwrenching crossroads. Oh, and I watched the inauguration of the first African American president with Kevin Bacon. (I dare anyone to play six degrees with me now!)

I've seen three Sundance movies- one were documentary shorts, one was about just how far someone would go to protect their favorite football team (you listening there big brother?) and the one I saw tonight was about free speech. Interesting to say the least.

Like I said, all in all, my life is not that exciting. When that changes, you'll be the first to know. :)