Friends Forever

How do you live without something that is so intricately woven into the fabric of your life? There are people in your life that are so precious and so wonderful that you will do anything in your power to hold on to them. They are your family in every sense of the word. The reminders are everywhere. You can't run away from them. They are the people who changed your life simply by being in it. They made your life better simply by being in it. How do you say goodbye to that good, that close of a friend?

Good friends come and go. Best friends you hold on to. Family you can't replace. My family grew unexpectedly this year. I'm so grateful for that. I now have room in my heart for a group of people who have made my life so memorable and so magical. And for one friend who has changed my life forever.

Last Saturday was one of the best nights of my life. To see a new, up and coming band perform for 1000 people- in a show my station presented that sold out in five days... and to see the reaction of those 1000 people to the band.... and to see my co-workers shine in their respective parts.... I have never been prouder to be an employee of my radio station. It was a great night for the station, a great night for the band and a great night for me.

here's to 50 more years of the same. Among you, me and the highway.... I hope that every Saturday night from here on out is as magical and as memorable as October 18, 2008.... for more reasons than one.

Ctrizzle

In one moment... your life can change

I've had two moments in my life where the shock of what was happening to me completely knocked me off my feet. The first was when I watched my mother die right in front of my eyes. She suffered from Lou Gehrig's disease and in the final stages of the disease, we literally watched her stomach, diaphragm, throat and neck muscles struggle to work and then fail completely. We stood helpless as the small amount of color disappeared from her face and the last whisps of air escaped from her lips. I watched the fire that lit up her eyes die away forever. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

Fast forward four years to a morning in December in Layton. I tried turning onto a freeway on ramp when a car rammed me from the side. My car spun around 360 degrees and took out a stop sign. Had that stop sign not been there, my car would have hit a car coming up the neighboring ramp- killing both of us. My body started shaking and I couldn't breathe after the accident. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes at that moment. Luckily, I wasn't hurt and the family in the other car wasn't hurt either. But again, it was a moment I will never forget.

I had a similar moment today. Not in the fact that I watched someone die or that I nearly died myself. The exact opposite actually. In just one moment, my entire perspective on life changed. My entire life changed. I saw the direction my life is headed, I saw the journey my life is about to take. I saw my life and all the glory and love that will come with it. Tonight, one moment, one smile changed my life forever.

Like I said...in a moment, your life can change. And this time, the change is for the better. :)

WE WON!

I don't know how we did it....but WE DID IT!!! 25-23 in the big house! Yeehaw!!!

It was great hanging out with my dad and brother on Saturday. Since my brother left the state to go to law school, I don't see him as much.

I learned patience on Saturday though.... that is for sure. I learned to not throw something at Big Ten refeeres and to not yell at a little kid who's favorite cheer of the day was "how much does utah suck?" (If I wasn't the mature, sophisticated lady that I am- HA- I would have called back "scoreboard.") I also learned that as on fire as Utah can look, we can also win a gold medal in self destructing. ARGH!!

And of course, I had to think about work. But, even when you're in a different state and time zone- there are certain things you just can't get away from. But, that's another thing I learned. There are some things I don't want to get away from. There are some things that I want to be in my life, in my world. There are certain things I don't mind having with me at all times. There are certain things that I can't live without. And those things I will hold on to for as many future weekends as possible.

Oh-and by the way- GO UTES!

Family.

That's an interesting concept for me. The dictionary definition would be the people who you live with, the home and place you are born and raised in, the blood and genes you share with those that usually also share your last name. But family is deeper than that. And family can mean so much more than that. Of course, there are the grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, immediate, extended, what have you. But, there are so many other types of families that one can belong to, that one can aspire to be.

Work families, church families, sorority/fraterntiy families (I was in a religious sorority in college, and it was nice to have a such a strong sisterhood connection with all those girls) and then the family I am going to talk about.

You have friends in your life that you just can't do without. They see all your faults.... and love you anyway. They listen to all your stories.... again and again. They lift you up when you are having the worst day possible.... and to make it even better, they can tell when you are having the worst day possible. They make your life a more perfect place, just by being in it. You don't have to be related to these people by blood at all, but in a way you are still related. You are still family. The bond is so strong and you are so close that no other term can fit. The love you have for that friend or for that person can fall under no other descripton than... "they are a part of my heart, they are a part of my family."

I have such people in my life. And it took me my surprise this past weekend just how much these people truly mean to me. They are my true family in every sense of the word, even though there is no blood relation there. I wouldn't be who I am without them, and I will never have the breath or the time to tell them just how much they mean to me. They are my second family.... and I truly do love them. One of them knows....the rest will surely follow. And I will follow my heart from here on out, wherever it leads me. Because I know now where my home really is.

Views on "I Kissed A Girl"

There is a large group of people who have issue with Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl." Some people have valid issues with the song, and nothing should be said to tear down or disrespect those opinions. People are free to think whatever they want to think about the song.
The thing that bothers me the most however, is people who mask their real reasons for having issue with the song. I'd rather someone come right out and tell me why they hate the song. Then, we can agree or disagree like civilized adults.
There are certain people, however, who will put up a smoke screen under the idea of "we are making a difference by standing up to this." The easiest way to stand up to a song you don't like.....change the station. Period. End of story. You're done. Then, when the song is over, you can change back. That way, you've still made a point even if it is only to yourself.
But, in making that personal statement for yourself, you aren't hurting anyone else or tearing down anyone else in the process. You can still make a difference and feel better about yourself for not listening, but you aren't putting yourself above anyone else. That is the kind of protest I can stand behind. But, when you start attacking people, intentionally or otherwise- even people you haven't even met or come in contact with- in your quest to make a difference, then you lose the whole reason you began the journey.
For those people who don't like the song, you are free to not like it, you are free to not listen to it. Me on the other hand, it's not going to change who I am, it's not going to corrupt or corrode me in anyway. I'm going to tap my foot and sing along at the top of my lungs......because that's what a catchy song does.
Then, at the end of the day, I'm going to sleep knowing that it's just a song. ONe of the most popular songs in the world....yes......for now. And two, three, six months from now another song will be just as catchy and maybe just as controversial. By then, it will be interesting to see if we have learned anything.

Fears

There are three things in this life that scare me half to death...probably shouldn't be admitting tothis on the world wide web but whatever...

Number one- spiders. Yuck, yuck and yuck! Whoever thought that creating a tiny little animal with eight legs and creepy looking eyes was a good idea.....I know that they eat bugs and I know there must a be a good reason why they are on this planet...I just haven't figured it out yet. However, I do find it hilarious that I am so frightened of something so small. But you find me one person who doesn't think that they are at least a little creepy....

Number two- sharks.Now, I know that living here in Utah sharks are the last thing I have to worry about. However, you will also never find me watching Jaws any time soon. I mean, my family went to Sea World a few years ago and we walked down the tunnel for the shark exhibit...it's a long tunnel with glass on either side and the sharks come right up to the glass and open their mouth and show off all their teeth. Now I am terrified of drowning...so the whole time I am walking down the path i'm thinking in my head..."If this glass breaks not only are we going to be eaten by sharks, we're gonna drown." NO thank you!

Number three- snakes. I hate em! I hate em! They are the nastiest animals I have ever seen. I am still trying to figure out what good they bring to the world. I get the hibbe jibbes when I see them in zoos, but when I see the out in public.....yeech! I have had a snake crawl under my legs when I was hiking one time...on a hike with my dad and brother we saw not one, not two but THREE baby rattlesnakes....and I have seen two snakes behind my place of employment which is in Salt Lake. I mean, work is supposed to be a place of refuge from stuff like that....

Then last night, I had the creepiest dream. I dreamed that I was surrounded by snakes, that they were all over my house and I couldn't get away from them. That my friends, is my definition of a nightmare. What I'm wodnering is- how much of that dream was a metaphor for what may be coming.....

It's interesting that one of my best friends has the exact same fear.....the same best friend that knows allof mine....with everything that happened this last weekend....I'm starting to connect the dots....and I'm starting to see where they might lead....and maybe that scares me the most....

So my friend "Kimmy" sent me a postcard from Nauvoo where she is serving a mission this summer. She is a performing missionary and was teasing about how hot and humid it was. She's living off otter pops. She asked me how my life was, including boys and work. So, I thought about it and (since I still haven't written her back yet) came up with my answer.

So a funny thing happened to me this weekend....I realized that when you sit back and let divine providence run your life, things tend to work out better than you originally thought. Now, I am not going to be overly religious here but I am going to say this. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that everything that happens to us happens for a reason, either to teach us something or to make us into the kind of people we are capable of being. Do bad things happen to good people? Yes. Do good things happen to people who may not deserve them? Yes. But, we have to take the life that is given to us and make the most of it. Then, regardless of what you believe, you can work your way to being happy and being complete. Once I finally just let go and let God lead me, there are some many more directions I can go.

That's what I learned this weekend. And I'm so grateful for that. So, here's to living life one day at a time, and remembering who it is that helps us live it.

So, Kimmy (and the world), that is how my life has been going. Finally in the direction I want it to. Interestingly, I also realized that sometimes when you close a door, or think one is closing-it's only allowing a handful of others to open in your favor. I'm so glad that I have a lot of open doorways in front of me. I'm excited to see where they will lead.

Haven't Seen me in A While...

A lot can happen in the two months you forget to add to your blog....course I fell into the trap of creating a myspace page....which lead me to create a facebook account....and now I'm all over. I used to tease people "I'm not going to do something just because everyone else is doing it." And, for the most part, I've stuck to that. I still haven't seen a "live" episode of American Idol. I haven't watched an episode of AI the night it was actually on since halfway through season 3. But, I will be cheering Archuleta on this coming Tuesday.....when I find his performances on youtube.

Life for me is as crazy as ever. Radio certainly keeps you on your toes. But, I like it that way. Course, it is a Saturday and I do have to work...again.....but how many other people have had the chance to be on the radio? Meet some of their favorite artists? Interact with such cool listeners? Get to go to concerts and movie premieres for free? I mean, just two days ago, my boss was able to interview Chris Martin from Coldplay. How many other people can claim that? :)

Course, I'm peeved my Jazz lost last night. The first half was a complete and total joke, but the 4th quarter was HUGE! We came back from a 19 point deficit....to lose by 3. THREE!!!!! Why can our three points shots not go in at the buzzer? I mean, Stockon's did against the Rockets...can't history repeat itself???

Then again, with my luck....I'd almost say....maybe it's better history stay the same. :)

Different Sides to Different People

I saw an old friend today. Now this old friend and I parted on very ugly terms. In fact, this was the first time I had seen or heard from old friend in about two years. The interesting thing is when I saw this old friend- initially it was awkward. But as the evening wore on I realized something. Regardless of how things ended or where things go...that's all he is. Just an old friend that I happened to see one night.
It's interesting the things that we spend so much time ruminating on in the moment that are so meaningless in the future. Truth, some moments are more traumatic than others. There are certainly times in our lives where we seem justified in stressing out or in assigning blame or contempt. We can hold as many grudges as we'd like-but in the end, there is truth to the saying that time does heal all wounds.
Now this particular wound with this old friend took a while to heal. The nice thing about tonight was the realization I came to. Perhaps this wound healed a long time ago but it took that one defining moment to realize it. I wish nothing but the best for this old friend and I am glad to see he is doing well.
I have another friend who hurt me very deeply by something that was said not too long ago. And I'm sure that with this friend, it will hurt and time will have to be a factor in when I heal. But the nice part about life is I will heal. Sometimes sooner than others, but the healing and the help is there. I just have to remember where to look.
But for now, I'll grieve over the fact that once again, I'm waiting.

Expectations

So I've waited for different experiences in my life, and each one has fallen flat on its face. The two most recent surround my college graduation and one this past weekend.
maybe I put too much stock into these experiences to begin with. I realized that the next big day that is all about me probably won't be until I get married. So, I tried to make graduation day one of the funnest days possible. Well, it was fun, but it wasn't what I had thought it was going to be.
Then, this past weekend, I had something happen to me that hasn't happened the more than 20 years I've been alive. My best friend and I talked about it last night. We had a conversation that I had waited years to have. And in the moment, the experience was crazy and amazing. But looking back, it wasn't at all like I pictured and the more I thought about it, wasn't at all what I wanted.
I have a friend at work who talks to me about everything. This friend has told me on many occasions that they would like to teach me about the world and the adventures that go along with it. I almost wish I had taken their advice and let them "teach me." But for now, at least I have a story and a "new years eve" story at that.
The downside is, I don't quite see what the big deal is. maybe next time, i won't expect anything at all. Then, i won't be disappointed when it doesn't turn out the way I thought it would. Maybe, it will be even better.

C