whats best for you-

So who decides what is best for one individual over another? Who gets to decide whether something or someone is worth your time and energy? Who gets to choose whether they get what they want or what they deserve? Or is that the same thing? Who gets to clarify what it is that someone deserves or earns? Do we really deserve anything? Do we truly get what we give? Do we reap what we sow? When it comes to relationships, friendships, dating- can we say that we do or dont deserve someone? That when we are committed to someone we automatically think they will give unto us as we give unto them? Does every favor have to be repaid? Is it done out of love or out of duty? Tradition? How do we determine or who gets to determine what is good for us? And then do we listen to the answer that is given? Or do we decide for ourselves that no matter what is placed in front of us, we will be happy regardless? Can we be happy regardless or do things have to work out as planned? Can things work out even if they are the exact opposite of how we planned? And what if how we planned them turns out to be bad for us? Or what if the exact opposite turns out to be what is best for us? Is that what we deserve? Or do we deserve nothing- having to work for every blessing we have.

All I know is what is best for me is to wait and see how the plan plays out. I can't answer the question of "what do I deserve?" I know what I want. Maybe, for now, thats enough.

wow....

So life has a funny way of working itself out right when you start feeling like it's falling apart. And sometimes you fully begin to realize why certain people were put into your life at the time they were. And I took a big piece of humble pie these past few days. Well, let me back up and start earlier.

I learned that you can love someone with your entire heart, and still remain extremely good friends, even if you never end up together. But, as long as they are in your life and continuing to love you in their own way, you can never lose. You can never be incomplete. You can never feel inadequate or feel like you are missing anything. and that is the kind of love that most people spend their entire life searching for. So to my wonderful and amazing friend who has taught me all this- thank you and I am so blessed and lucky to have you in my life. I do love you.

I learned that there are some people who come into your life for the specific reason of showing what you DONT want in a friend or even a mate. And while you are thankful for the lessons they taught you and for the experiences you went through with them- you are also well aware that you can live the rest of your life without them. And that is perfectly okay.

I learned that opportunites come when you least expect them. That when you think you have life planned out perfectly, it throws you a curve ball. But, if you hit it just right, it will soar out of the park and you will go on the most fulfilling victory run of your life. And what awaits you at home plate is beyond your wildest dreams. Just remember to breathe and remember every amazing moment.

I learned that God loves us. That he will not abandon us. But we must not abandon him. (Legacy)

I learned that while I am very blessed with certain gifts and talents- there are countless numbers of people who are better at it than I am. But, I'll just keep polishing my skills and practicing day after hour after minute to make myself better. But while I should never give up on my performing dreams, I also should never allow myself to think that just because I'm not as good as the person next to me, it doesn't mean I'm not good. Just because I may not have as much experience as the person next to me, it doesn't mean I'm not experienced. Just because there are some days I don't feel as confident in my abilities, it doesn't mean I should lose confidence. God gives us the talents, it's up to us to not only maximize them and share them with others, but develop and share new talents as well. Otherwise, we lose them all.

I learned that bishops are truly called of God and they do everything with their ward members in their minds and in their hearts. They love each and every one of their congregation and thinks about them constantly. They are never too busy to listen to each and every story, each and every life is worth more than gold. They love their flock and follow the promptings of the Spirit to find the best way to help and uplift them.

And above it all, I learned that love comes in all shapes and sorts. It comes when we least expect it. And you shouldn't be afraid to tell someone you love them. Because love isn't just romance and dating and marriage. It isn't just kisses and hand holds and embraces. It isn't just flowers and chocolate and jewelry. It isn't just brothers and fathers and sons. You can love someone with all your heart. And you can love multiple people with all your heart. Just as long as you love God first- with all your might, mind and strength. Then, have the ultimate love and TRUST him. He will never steer you wrong.

And just think what awaits on the other side of the ridge...............

Sound Bites from Conference- Saturday morning session

October 3-
Elder Scott- praying, pondering, asking is there more I should know, in urgent prayer or unsolicited when needed, reveal when not actively seeking it, Lord will not force you to learn, agency to authorize spirit to teach you, more perceptive to feelings that come with spiritual guidance- recognize it easier, strong emotions overcome delicate promptings of spirit

Sister Matsumori (2nd counselor in primary)- provide environment where spirit can be felt, virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly- spirit will be our constant companion, peace, hope, joy, light, sudden ideas, speak to your heart and your mind, share the testimony of the spirit in our lives- be cautious of experiences that are too sacred

Elder Clayton (Presidency of the Seventy)- burdens, three sources- natural product of the world in which we live, imposed by misconduct of others, our own mistakes and shortcomings, burden of sin, unique individual experiences help us return to him, heaven’s perspective “a small moment, if we endure it well, God shall exalt us on high”, provide opportunities to practice virtues- yield to enticing of spirit, become a saint and a child- submissive, meek humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord has in store for us, burdens become blessings -are well disguised, time, effort and faith to accept and understand

Brother Russell T Osgathrope- (Sunday School President)- receive the truth we will be saved by it- we acted upon it- Joseph smith, sharing knowledge of gospel- draw upon spirit- effective teaching 1- key doctrine, 2- invitation to action, 3- promised blessings, teaching- no greater call, live the principle they are teaching, think about, feel about and then do something about living gospel principles- President Monson, prepared when the time came, “aim high

Elder Bednar- ears that hear and hearts that feel, express love and show it- family, do more and become better, say it, mean it, consistently to show it, express and demonstrate, thoughts, words and deeds, bare testimony and live it, divinity and reality f the Father and the Son, of the plan of happiness and the restoration, what we know is not always reflected in what we do, bear it, mean it, consistently to live it, declare and live, be consistent, defining moment of spiritual development, ordinary, individual brushstrokes- canvas of our souls

President Uchtdorf- , why should we love God? – his power and dominion is independent of our approval or decision, we need to love God- what we love determines what we seek, what we seek determines what we think and do, what we think and do determines who we are and what we will become, part of our spiritual heritage, greatest of all good things is God, glorious and infinite existence, progress in knowledge and glory until we receive a fullness of joy, has promised us all that he has- not enough reason to love Heavenly Father- we love him because he first loved us, why does he love us?- purest love- multiply by an infinite amount, though we are incomplete, imperfect, lost without compass, completely, perfectly, encompasses us completely, holy, pure and indescribable love, not because of resume but because we are his children, no matter sorrow or mistakes- draw near to him so he can draw near to us

Take back what i said earlier.... patience is VASTLY overrated....

Someone please explain to me why whenever you are dreading something it comes way too quickly and whenever you are looking forward to something it takes FOREVER to get here? Case in point.... tax day? Always comes sooner than you were expecting..... Christmas? Always takes longer to arrive at. I don't understand. But coming from someone who's survived 24 Christmas mornings.... patience and I do not get along. Well, let me rephrase. If I know what I'm waiting for, and I know that regardless of how long I wait I will get what it is I'm waiting for- it isn't that bad. However, if I'm waiting for something with no solid guarantee that I'm going to get it.....issues!

You can't tell that I'm counting down to something can you? I have just one question.... is it tomorrow yet? ;)

Summer of surprises....and spiritual moments

God does answer our prayers. Sometimes in very simple ways- where we have to be paying close attention in order to pick up on it. Other times- he bangs it against our heads "can you hear me NOW?" :) But tonight- in listening to a friend's life experience, I had the same thing happen to me that has happened all summer long. I was where I needed to be and I heard what I needed to hear- what God wanted me to hear. And, looking back, I think I got my answer a long time ago- this was just helping me to understand better, to completely realize. Because sometimes, because we're human and because God is ever patient and loving- he has to repeat himself. :)

But, in this moment in my life, I am so grateful he did. This summer has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. And the best part? It isn't over yet! :)

Trust your instincts

Ever find it annoying the moments where you know something, you just KNOW and there are those around you who want to talk you out of it? Or want to convince you that you are wrong? Or worse- completely ignore the fact that every fiber in your being, every ounce of your conscience, every muscle in your body is telling you to follow your instincts. I mean, if we can't trust ourselves, who can we trust? God will let us know if the pathways we are following are good or evil. The scriptures tell us that. It also reminds us that when we get the answer- whether it be a burning in the bosom or a feeling of peace on the matter- we need to trust in that answer and live with that answer. Just sometimes, I forget that and I let other people try to talk me in or out of what my heart and my head lay in front of me. I know what I know and no one can take that away from me. I can look for assurance, I can look for support but at the end of the day, what I do with my life is between me and God. And if I can't trust him, I can't trust anyone. So, with that.... I send my love to my best friend who just had the happiest day of her life today. She looked so beautiful and so joyful. That's how it should be. That's how it should it look. That's how it should it feel. When it's right, it's right. Period. Trust me- this is one area where I know what I'm talking about. :)

Where God wants me...

So I entered this summer with this philosophy...I throw my hat into several different rings and wherever God wanted me is where I'd end up. I signed up for some institute classes, auditioned for some musicals and volunteered to be an EFY counselor. (That's a summer youth program for the LDS church.) Then I sat back and waited to see what direction life would take me.

Well- I currently am taking a world religion class- which I only have time for one more session due to rehearsal. I made Seussical the Musical out in Sandy and just in the two rehearsals we've had, I can see why God wanted me in this production. The people are incredibly kind and extremely talented. We have bonded already and we're not even a week in. That's bodes well for the rest of the summer.

Then, I also received word I'm accepted to be an EFY counselor for a Sandy session the middle of June. I am very excited about this one. It's an opportunity for me to serve the youth in a period of their life that is one of the hardest. i don't know about you, but junior high and the first year in high school were hell for me. It's that awkward stage where you are trying to figure out who you are with an entire society telling who you should be and some obnoxious classmates trying to make you feel bad for being who you are. It's the period of life where you learn to depend on yourself (with divine providence) and learn to say "I love who I am. I love who I am becoming. And world- you better watch out because I'm on my way." It took me a while to learn that, but I've been blessed beyond words once I applied it and I look forward to helping these youth do the same.

ON top of that- I get to go the temple open house, visited Bryce Canyon-Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument-Capitol Reef over Memorial Day and am traveling to the Utah Shakespearan Festival and Tuacahn Amphitheater at the end of August. (After my musical of course.) A very fun filled and fulfilling summer.

And a budding social life on top of that. Though, I'm back where I was a few weeks ago. Waiting for news. Patience and I do not get along! :) But, I'm very happy with the blessings God has sent my way these past couple of weeks and I'm excited to see what else he has in store for me. Because not only do I know that I'm meant to be where I am- but perhaps there is someone in any of these situations who needs to not only learn something from me but teach something to me. So, I need to be around them as much as they need to be around me. That's a fun way of looking at life. After all, life isn't about the moments you breathe but about the moments that take your breathe away.