Where God wants me...

So I entered this summer with this philosophy...I throw my hat into several different rings and wherever God wanted me is where I'd end up. I signed up for some institute classes, auditioned for some musicals and volunteered to be an EFY counselor. (That's a summer youth program for the LDS church.) Then I sat back and waited to see what direction life would take me.

Well- I currently am taking a world religion class- which I only have time for one more session due to rehearsal. I made Seussical the Musical out in Sandy and just in the two rehearsals we've had, I can see why God wanted me in this production. The people are incredibly kind and extremely talented. We have bonded already and we're not even a week in. That's bodes well for the rest of the summer.

Then, I also received word I'm accepted to be an EFY counselor for a Sandy session the middle of June. I am very excited about this one. It's an opportunity for me to serve the youth in a period of their life that is one of the hardest. i don't know about you, but junior high and the first year in high school were hell for me. It's that awkward stage where you are trying to figure out who you are with an entire society telling who you should be and some obnoxious classmates trying to make you feel bad for being who you are. It's the period of life where you learn to depend on yourself (with divine providence) and learn to say "I love who I am. I love who I am becoming. And world- you better watch out because I'm on my way." It took me a while to learn that, but I've been blessed beyond words once I applied it and I look forward to helping these youth do the same.

ON top of that- I get to go the temple open house, visited Bryce Canyon-Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument-Capitol Reef over Memorial Day and am traveling to the Utah Shakespearan Festival and Tuacahn Amphitheater at the end of August. (After my musical of course.) A very fun filled and fulfilling summer.

And a budding social life on top of that. Though, I'm back where I was a few weeks ago. Waiting for news. Patience and I do not get along! :) But, I'm very happy with the blessings God has sent my way these past couple of weeks and I'm excited to see what else he has in store for me. Because not only do I know that I'm meant to be where I am- but perhaps there is someone in any of these situations who needs to not only learn something from me but teach something to me. So, I need to be around them as much as they need to be around me. That's a fun way of looking at life. After all, life isn't about the moments you breathe but about the moments that take your breathe away.

The Lords knows what he's doing...

I have a new mantra for life. Either you trust the Lord or you don't. It's easy to say, not quite as easy to do. Life is not a scattered array of coincidences stretched beneath our feet leading in a million different directions. Everything happens for a reason. Truth, sometimes we don't know or don't understand what those reasons are. There may be some things we won't fully understand until we leave this world for the next. My old seminary teacher used to describe it this way. "It's my bookshelf for heaven. Whenever I have a question about something, i put it on my bookshelf. After I die, I'll open up the books and ask."

From a personal stand point, people have asked me "what was the reason why your mother died when you were 18?" People have asked me questions along the lines of "why did the holocaust happen?" "Why did a baby have to die in a car accident?" "Why were so many killed in the tsunami?" I don't have the answers to all of that. What I know is based on what I've been taught growing up, what I've experienced in my life and what I believe to be true. I've had too many instances in my life where things just lined up for the best. People came into my life at the exact moment I needed them. Hope was restored to me in moments where I thought I couldn't go on. Peace enveloped me in moments of deepest despair and grief. And love pushed it's way through even the darkest and dreariest of days. I've seen many miracles in my life. And i've learned that God works on his own time table. We can't even begin to comprehend all that he can comprehend. There are times we are given glimpses but he knows what is best for us. He will not lead us astray. I take comfort in that.

I do trust God. I trust that he knows what he is doing and that he knows what I am capable of doing, what I am capable of becoming. Sometimes in life, you just have to throw your hands up and say "okay God. You take over." it's like the Carrie Underwood song 'Jesus, take the wheel" "because I can't do it on my own." I would never want to try and live life-go through life alone. What a marvelous truth to know that I don't have to. Either you trust God or you don't. You can look at what you have to go through in life and think "what is God trying to teach me?" One lesson I'm still working on is patience. Using faith as a tool, I'm getting better at that principle. Things happen at their proper times. You cannot force life. Besides, think of all the things you'd miss. "life is what happens when we're busy making other plans." So, take a breather. Look at the beauty all around you. "and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance..."

C

life

Life constantly suprises me. I feel a little guility today. I had a wonderful weekend this past weekend. I was able to get away from some of the troubles that have followed me around these last weeks. I put aside all my problems, all my sorrows and allowed myself to relax and enjoy the beauty and peace around me. I talked with people i'm close to and spent some quality time with my family. I felt, for the first time in a long time, that i was happy. Truly happy.

Come to find out one of family friend's dog died on Thursday. Then, friend from high school and a boy who was one class below me died on the same day. One in a car accident- the other they're not sure. So here I am, happy with life, dancing in circles and thanking my creator for all my many blessings- and there are three families dealing with loss. I'm not equating losing a pet to losing a daughter or son- but it is still a loss. For the families of my two high school classmates, I can't even imagine what they are going through. Both of these people were only 23 years old. My age.

That's a humbling thought. Someone just like me. Someone who went to school with me. In one moment, they move across the veil from this world to the next. Now I lost my mom at 18. I know what's it like to lose someone so close to you, lose a part of your family. Two in one day? What would happen if now that my life is finally on a upswing- something were to happen to me?

Life is so fragile. Life is so precious. We have to hold on to every moment, hold on to every person we love. For one day, they too will pass on. And one day, it will be us.

Where have you been? Taking care of something UGLY

So I haven't done this in a while. I wonder if there are countless numbers of people out there losing sleep over what I have been up to the past couple of months. What crazy acts of mischief have I been getting into? What mishapen adventures have I been on? What kind of interesting people have I run across? What unforgettable memories have I forged in the time since my last blog?
Come on people. you really think my life is that exciting? Ha! Well, I did organize a train ride for about a hundred Make A Wish children for Christmas on the Polar Express. That was fun. Hmm.....went to the Universtiy of Utah basketball game against Gonzaga and nearly had a heart attach. Then watched the University of Utah roll over Alabama in the Sugar Bowl which gave me another almost heart attack. (ONLY UNDEAFETED IN THE NATION BABY!!) On that same token, I was one of the thousands of people lined up and down State Street for the Champions Parade. That was pretty nifty. I have never been so happy to see that much red in one place.
The new year has bgrought some new changes and new challenges. I've had to make some difficult decisions and came to some heartwrenching crossroads. Oh, and I watched the inauguration of the first African American president with Kevin Bacon. (I dare anyone to play six degrees with me now!)

I've seen three Sundance movies- one were documentary shorts, one was about just how far someone would go to protect their favorite football team (you listening there big brother?) and the one I saw tonight was about free speech. Interesting to say the least.

Like I said, all in all, my life is not that exciting. When that changes, you'll be the first to know. :)

Friends Forever

How do you live without something that is so intricately woven into the fabric of your life? There are people in your life that are so precious and so wonderful that you will do anything in your power to hold on to them. They are your family in every sense of the word. The reminders are everywhere. You can't run away from them. They are the people who changed your life simply by being in it. They made your life better simply by being in it. How do you say goodbye to that good, that close of a friend?

Good friends come and go. Best friends you hold on to. Family you can't replace. My family grew unexpectedly this year. I'm so grateful for that. I now have room in my heart for a group of people who have made my life so memorable and so magical. And for one friend who has changed my life forever.

Last Saturday was one of the best nights of my life. To see a new, up and coming band perform for 1000 people- in a show my station presented that sold out in five days... and to see the reaction of those 1000 people to the band.... and to see my co-workers shine in their respective parts.... I have never been prouder to be an employee of my radio station. It was a great night for the station, a great night for the band and a great night for me.

here's to 50 more years of the same. Among you, me and the highway.... I hope that every Saturday night from here on out is as magical and as memorable as October 18, 2008.... for more reasons than one.

Ctrizzle

In one moment... your life can change

I've had two moments in my life where the shock of what was happening to me completely knocked me off my feet. The first was when I watched my mother die right in front of my eyes. She suffered from Lou Gehrig's disease and in the final stages of the disease, we literally watched her stomach, diaphragm, throat and neck muscles struggle to work and then fail completely. We stood helpless as the small amount of color disappeared from her face and the last whisps of air escaped from her lips. I watched the fire that lit up her eyes die away forever. I will never forget that moment as long as I live.

Fast forward four years to a morning in December in Layton. I tried turning onto a freeway on ramp when a car rammed me from the side. My car spun around 360 degrees and took out a stop sign. Had that stop sign not been there, my car would have hit a car coming up the neighboring ramp- killing both of us. My body started shaking and I couldn't breathe after the accident. I saw my entire life flash before my eyes at that moment. Luckily, I wasn't hurt and the family in the other car wasn't hurt either. But again, it was a moment I will never forget.

I had a similar moment today. Not in the fact that I watched someone die or that I nearly died myself. The exact opposite actually. In just one moment, my entire perspective on life changed. My entire life changed. I saw the direction my life is headed, I saw the journey my life is about to take. I saw my life and all the glory and love that will come with it. Tonight, one moment, one smile changed my life forever.

Like I said...in a moment, your life can change. And this time, the change is for the better. :)