Hope

"Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen....for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" Ether 12:6

yes, fully aware the scripture refers to faith and I titled this post "hope." but we learn that you can't have faith without having hope- and you can't have hope without a seed of faith. unfortuantely, my seed of faith lost a few leaves these past couple of weeks.

I understand human emotion. At least I thought I did. I understand that people have to do what is best for them. They have to make decisions leading to their ultimate happiness. There are two beings who know EXACTLY what will make us happiest. They give us all the opportunities and chances to find that happiness for ourselves. But sometimes we get in our own way. Sometimes it's our own choices, our own decisions that keep us from happiness, keep us from joy. Though sometimes it's other people's decisions that keep us from where we want to be.

I'm not going to spend this time bashing someone. I'm not going to spend this time bashing myself. Life happens. Sometimes in a way we envision in our heads, and sometimes the exact opposite of what we wanted. Sometimes the very thing we were afraid of lies spread eagle in front of us. We can't walk past it, we can't ignore it, we have to deal with it. God is trying to teach us something- even if it's "I know this going to hurt. But I know you. I know you can handle it. I know you are strong enough to get through this. I am not going to give you anything that you can't handle....and I'll be there through it all."

Though there are times when I think he has more faith in me than I do in myself. But he does know us. he knows us better than we know ourselves. And sometimes in order to remind us just how much he loves us, he puts people in our lives to help us through these times of fear, of pain. he knows he can trust these messengers, these heavenly angels with just the right words, just the right timing, just the right action to help us along, to lift us up, to keep us moving. When a promise is broken, when a heart is shattered, when a light is burned out- he sends us an anchor, a bandage, a candle- a beacon of hope.

Am I still a little jaded? yes. will i be jaded for awhile? yes. do i feel betrayed, let down, irritated and hurt? yes. am i allowed to feel that way? yes. We're human. We're allowed to feel every negative emotion. It's only when we allow these negative emotions to control our lives we run into difficulty. But like one of my best friends- one of my "beacon of hope" said the other night..."that doesn't make you a bad person."

I hope not.