how life can change

wow. in one word that pretty much sums up the last few weeks of my life.

On a Saturday night back in November, I made a decision- a decision that inadvertently changed the course of my life and my world. It's funny to me though that in making said decision, I was able to let go-to finally set aside a dream I had for more than two and a half years. I thought nothing would top it, nothing would surpass it. This was my future-and I would do anything and everything I had to - to make it a reality. Little did I know God had other plans.

I try to let God lead my life, try to fully understand when his plan doesn't always mesh with mine. I know, at the end of the day, his plan is better suited for my life than mine. That he always knows what he's doing. Some days it's easier to accept than others. But that November night, I looked up to the sky and said, "I am throwing in the towel. I can't do this anymore. This is what I've decided to do. Please let me know if this is what you want for me to do." My heart literally broke that night, but it also was born again. Like a phoenix, it rose from the ashes of my shattered dream and allowed me the opportunity to see things a new and different light.

Now, I'm slowly chipping away at a wall with a needle, hoping one day the smallest crack will appear. But I know, deep within me I know, the path will reveal itself. I never thought I'd be at his point in my life. Today was an interesting day for me. I saw the old me, the me who thought she had all the answers, the me who planned out her entire life based off one night, the me who never thought outside of "this is what I want." Now, it wasn't a bad "old me." It just isn't who I am anymore. The new me, while still cautious and fragile, has a new perspective. Suddenly, I'm not the one who's needs protecting. Suddenly I'm not the one who needs lifting up. Suddenly, I'm not the one who needs reassuring. Not only that, i find myself in a very similar situation to someone else in my life- who up until tonight I didn't have the strongest feelings for. Now I realize, she and I have more in common than I thought.

So who is this new me? Will she survive whatever the Lord puts in front of her? I think so. Because my life has changed for the better these past few weeks. My life has changed period. I'm not who I used to be. And I'm perfectly okay with that. And whatever happens from here on out- happens. It's like a good friend said to me today, "things will work out the way the Lord wants them to work out." I just never would have believed they would work out this way. But, that's the thing with making promises to the Lord. You better keep them.