Game Changer

The statement "the only thing constant is change" rings true to this 20-something from the Wasatch Front. She planned a journey for her life- a destination in mind and a game plan to get there. Granted, the destination hasn't changed but the passengers along for the ride shuffled slightly. She still knows what she wants, and she still fights to hold on to it. However, she found herself thrown down a curve and now she is re- learning the rules. Rules to a game she never was a fan of- considered it a necessary evil.

First- in order to fully gauge if someone likes you- let them think they are losing you. Flirt and interact with other people in order to make them jealous. Speak loudly while they are around of all the other people you like, or that you would like to spend time with. Mention upcoming dates or upcoming social activites and who you are going with. Someone explain to me how that accomplishes anything? I know certain people like to do the chasing and certain people like to be chased. However, if what you are chasing is chasing something else but then turns around and chases you once you've been declared unattainable- what was the point of chasing something else? What happens if while you are busy making someone else jealous- they decide maybe you're not worth the aggravation? Some would say- "well, that person didnt really like you anyway." Or- it could be they DID really like you, but they didn't like the games you were playing. They didn't like having to prove how much they liked you- or having to outshine the people you were flirting with. They didn't like having to sit in the shadows and watch you play out the game- to make THEM jealous. They didn't like you ignoring them- just so they would end up missing you. So, you play by the first rule, and end up losing someone who may have been good for you.

Second- the simplicity of liking, courting, dating seems to have disappeared. Why is it when you first start crushing on someone- certain people's first reaction is always "are you going to get married?" Maybe it's a Utah thing.....maybe it's a Mormon thing. No wonder so many people are against dating- or if not against it, a bit apprehensive about the ordeal. If we walk into a potential date thinking "this may or may not be my soul mate-eternal companion," how on earth will our date live up to that ridiculous expectation? Most dates are wondering if they'll make it to date number two, not the walk down the aisle. And how do you dress for the potential engagement on the first date? I mean, if we are looking at each other as potential life partners- that would certainly affect the sweater I end up wearing or how I do my hair. Plus my questions are going to change. Instead of the background check- "where did you go to school? what are you studying? where did you grow up?" it will now be an official investigation. "how do you want to raise kids? what are your ideas of a family balanced budget? where do you see yourself in 10 years and where do i fit in that picture?"

Third- the annoying void between what one person is thinking in their head and what they are feeling in their heart. And the void between one person's head to the other person's heart. Countless times we ask ourselves "does he like me as much as I like him?" or "I wonder if she's thinking about me right now." Here's a novel concept. Instead of wondering and waiting and worrying, why don't you just ask? Communicate with the other person- add a little honesty to the mix. I would rather be too open and up front with someone then spend every night thinking to myself "if only i knew what he was thinking." I'd rather someone be completely open and honest with me before finding out we'd wasted each other's time and energy. I vote for open and honest communication with a second helping of truth and frankness. If it scares the other person away- at least there won't be any unanswered questions. That's the worst part of this entire game. The questions you never had the chance to ask and the answers you never had the courage to hear.

Fourth- figuring out where to go after each step of the road. For instance- you like me, I like you. You ask me out and I say yes. Awkward days and hours leading up to first date. Then we go on first date and we have a good time. (Or whatever adjective you want to insert here.) Question number one- who calls who after the first date? Or in this day and age- who texts/FBs first? Question number two- who asks who on second date- if second date is agreeable to both parties. Question number three- how many dates do you go on before deciding if you want to "go steady" or "pair off" or be "bf/gf"- whatever term you want. Then, you have to decide when you can change your Facebook status to "in a relationship." And when you can send out the mass text to all your friends. I know most people would let the male in this situation dictate when and where and why and who and how.....but this is the 21st century. If I waited for all my dating decisions to be made by the male party.........I'd still be waiting. Let's backtrack to the communication portion of the game. Talk it out. If two people like each other, like each other's company, like each other's physical attributes, like each other's personality and like each other's lives.....then spend as much time together as possible, get to know each other on a deep spiritual and intellectual level and don't let outside distractions get in the way.

As Puck would say, "Lord, what fools these mortals be." We often make this more difficult then it needs to be. It really is as simple as "boy meets girl." Guess i'll just have to bend the rules a little more. After all, it's not if you win or lose but how you play the game.