what we want most

No, this will not be a continuation of my dating advice and blunders. I was practicing for something that ended up not coming to fruition. Fine by me, don't think the Wasatch Front wants to hear my dating 101s anyway.

This is me wondering what the heck I've done. You pray for something, you wish for something with all your heart and you do everything in your power to help it happen. Then when it does happen, you find yourself at a crossroads. Should you be happy with the knowledge you may finally be getting what you've wanted, what you've hoped for after all this time? Or do you wonder if this is simply God's way of saying "you've asked enough times, it will happen-but the end result may not be what you think."

Then, what happens if someone you care about more than life itself gets hurt or lives through a negative experience in order for you to get what you want? What happens if in order to fully accept and live with what you wished for you lose something else in the process? What happens if you can't get more than one "what you wish for" and so you have to choose between one or another? What happens if you finally get everything your heart desired but you dont know where to go or what to do from there?

To jump from what is known, what is comfortable, what is planned for into the abyss of unknown, unseen and unexpected is one of the scariest and longest jumps people can make. One of two things can happen. Either you find on the other side the best, most incredible result your head and heart could have ever hoped for, or you fall like a rock into an ever ending darkness wondering the whole way down why you were stupid enough to jump to begin with. Then, comes the impact. Your whole world crashes down around you and your heart, body and soul completely shatter while the rest of world points and laughs and scolds "see children? that's why you should never do what they did."

Yet, what of the other option? The option that allows you to be happier than you've ever been, to live through adventures you're only dreamed of, to experience emotions and feelings you've never been privy to before and to live a life full of joy, ecstasy and love. Pure, chaste, benevolent, even holy love. The type of love that sustains you through the hardest of days, the roughest of storms, the strongest of battles and the longest of times. The type of love that pushes you to be the best you can be, that changes your life simply by being there, that creates a world you never realized existed and opens doors to new possiblities, new dreams, new hope. The type of love you cling to with every ounce of strength in you, every core of your soul, every breath in your lungs, every pore of your skin, every beat of your heart and every ounce of your essence. The type of love you would do anything and everything for.

So, you close your eyes, pray with intent and sincerty of heart that the bridge will appear, let go of the sides and step out, fingers outstretched. What will await you when you open your eyes?

"Who knows? Here goes....."

Dating 101- Step One

No, I am not an expert. I'm not a novice. I'm not even a master. Yet, I've aquired some knowledge over the quarter century of my life. Knowledge that at times I follow and at times I completely reject. Which may or may not explain why I'm still single. Yet from my successes and not so successes I've picked up some basic elementary tips- the base work for how to and how not to date. Throw on top of that the state in which we live and the religion to which I'm a part, and it makes the "basics" even funnier.

Rule #1- be yourself. You will never win someone over by being someone you're not. It seems so simple and logical but you will be surprised. How many times do we wear a certain color, or a certain scent, or a certain pair of jeans because we think it will impress that one person who likes said color, scent or jeans? How many times do we look up a movie, book, production or sports team on Wikipedia so when it comes up in a conversation we can pretend to know what we are talking about? How many times do we listen to a song on I tunes or You Tube so we can sing along to it on the radio- thereby illicting the response "you like this song too? AWESOME!" Course, if you were to ask us the name of the c.d., band, or other singles-we wouldn't have a clue.

Yet, at times, we don't look past the initial "shock and awe" phase. We see what we want, we do what we have to to get what we want. When said person actually asks for our number, adds us on facebook or does the unthinkable and asks us out-we fly into a twitter. (Not literally of course-though I'm sure some people add it to the status the minute they get home. Or the minute mobile web comes up on their cell phone.) We plan the outfit, we plan the hair style, we plan the hour to minute to second activites. So what happens when on said first date, partner asks us about our "other" interests? "I know you love so and so, or you like listening to such and such, or you like to read whats amabucket....but what else do you like to do?" Well, now we find ourselves in a bit of a pickle. Do we continue to name and list things off we know the other person likes so we look and sound more like them? Or do we take a figurative step off the cliff and actually admit to our own individual tastes and opinions? We worked so hard to make ourselves appealing to the other person- do we step on all our hard work to actually look and sound like ourselves?

Here's a tip. You can be attracted to someone, you can flirt with someone, you can go out with someone, you can like someone and you can even love someone- and be different. Different is good. Different is great. We share common values, we share some common interests but in the end, we can share a love and a life together regardless of whether we like the same foods, books, movies or sports teams.

Though prepare to not talk to each other for a week in November if one of you is a Ute and one of you is a Cougar. Just saying.

Step 2- Quit looking for the "right one" or the "perfect one" the first few go arounds. You'll be bitterly disappointed.

The People You Just Can't Live Without

It's official. I have the most amazing friends on the planet. And yes, I'm fully aware I'm completely biased. Yet, these people love me for who I am- not who I could be, not who I once was, not even who they wish I would be. They love me for me. They love me because I'm me. And while their influence help make me a better person- they still stick by me and support me even when I fall flat of expectations. They don't ask for perfection, because heaven knows I'm lacking in that department. Yet, they do ask for the best parts of me. They stand by me in all areas of my life, they understand my thoughts, my fears and my innermost desires. They listen to the same stories over and over again. They offer advice and graciously accept when I follow through and don't get offended when I don't. (Which happens. LOL)

They help make me who I am today and I'm so grateful for everything they've given me and continue to give me. They all own my heart and I can't imagine my life without them.

There are so many who have touched my life and my world and I don't have time or room to thank them all. Friends from Viewmont, Riverview, MHS, the U, Youth Theatre, Murray shows, Magna shows, Sandy shows, Rodgers shows, stake shows, politics, choir, church- so many names, faces and godsends. Not too mention all my "second moms" and my second family- the NYC angels. However, there is a special group of "Musketeers" that I want to send a shout out too.

Chels, Emmy, Kimmy, Sissy, Niks, Stace and Papa B- you truly are my best friends in the universe. Each one of you means more to me than I could possibly say. I hold countless memories of time spent with each of you. You each teach me so much every day. You all inspire me and I love you with my entire heart.

I lived through quite a weekend this past weekend- feeling almost every emotion imaginable. And it was my friends- Musketeers, Partners in Crime, Cohorts and Friendly Faces alike-who got me through it. I'm truly one of the luckiest girls in the world.

whats best for you-

So who decides what is best for one individual over another? Who gets to decide whether something or someone is worth your time and energy? Who gets to choose whether they get what they want or what they deserve? Or is that the same thing? Who gets to clarify what it is that someone deserves or earns? Do we really deserve anything? Do we truly get what we give? Do we reap what we sow? When it comes to relationships, friendships, dating- can we say that we do or dont deserve someone? That when we are committed to someone we automatically think they will give unto us as we give unto them? Does every favor have to be repaid? Is it done out of love or out of duty? Tradition? How do we determine or who gets to determine what is good for us? And then do we listen to the answer that is given? Or do we decide for ourselves that no matter what is placed in front of us, we will be happy regardless? Can we be happy regardless or do things have to work out as planned? Can things work out even if they are the exact opposite of how we planned? And what if how we planned them turns out to be bad for us? Or what if the exact opposite turns out to be what is best for us? Is that what we deserve? Or do we deserve nothing- having to work for every blessing we have.

All I know is what is best for me is to wait and see how the plan plays out. I can't answer the question of "what do I deserve?" I know what I want. Maybe, for now, thats enough.

wow....

So life has a funny way of working itself out right when you start feeling like it's falling apart. And sometimes you fully begin to realize why certain people were put into your life at the time they were. And I took a big piece of humble pie these past few days. Well, let me back up and start earlier.

I learned that you can love someone with your entire heart, and still remain extremely good friends, even if you never end up together. But, as long as they are in your life and continuing to love you in their own way, you can never lose. You can never be incomplete. You can never feel inadequate or feel like you are missing anything. and that is the kind of love that most people spend their entire life searching for. So to my wonderful and amazing friend who has taught me all this- thank you and I am so blessed and lucky to have you in my life. I do love you.

I learned that there are some people who come into your life for the specific reason of showing what you DONT want in a friend or even a mate. And while you are thankful for the lessons they taught you and for the experiences you went through with them- you are also well aware that you can live the rest of your life without them. And that is perfectly okay.

I learned that opportunites come when you least expect them. That when you think you have life planned out perfectly, it throws you a curve ball. But, if you hit it just right, it will soar out of the park and you will go on the most fulfilling victory run of your life. And what awaits you at home plate is beyond your wildest dreams. Just remember to breathe and remember every amazing moment.

I learned that God loves us. That he will not abandon us. But we must not abandon him. (Legacy)

I learned that while I am very blessed with certain gifts and talents- there are countless numbers of people who are better at it than I am. But, I'll just keep polishing my skills and practicing day after hour after minute to make myself better. But while I should never give up on my performing dreams, I also should never allow myself to think that just because I'm not as good as the person next to me, it doesn't mean I'm not good. Just because I may not have as much experience as the person next to me, it doesn't mean I'm not experienced. Just because there are some days I don't feel as confident in my abilities, it doesn't mean I should lose confidence. God gives us the talents, it's up to us to not only maximize them and share them with others, but develop and share new talents as well. Otherwise, we lose them all.

I learned that bishops are truly called of God and they do everything with their ward members in their minds and in their hearts. They love each and every one of their congregation and thinks about them constantly. They are never too busy to listen to each and every story, each and every life is worth more than gold. They love their flock and follow the promptings of the Spirit to find the best way to help and uplift them.

And above it all, I learned that love comes in all shapes and sorts. It comes when we least expect it. And you shouldn't be afraid to tell someone you love them. Because love isn't just romance and dating and marriage. It isn't just kisses and hand holds and embraces. It isn't just flowers and chocolate and jewelry. It isn't just brothers and fathers and sons. You can love someone with all your heart. And you can love multiple people with all your heart. Just as long as you love God first- with all your might, mind and strength. Then, have the ultimate love and TRUST him. He will never steer you wrong.

And just think what awaits on the other side of the ridge...............

Sound Bites from Conference- Saturday morning session

October 3-
Elder Scott- praying, pondering, asking is there more I should know, in urgent prayer or unsolicited when needed, reveal when not actively seeking it, Lord will not force you to learn, agency to authorize spirit to teach you, more perceptive to feelings that come with spiritual guidance- recognize it easier, strong emotions overcome delicate promptings of spirit

Sister Matsumori (2nd counselor in primary)- provide environment where spirit can be felt, virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly- spirit will be our constant companion, peace, hope, joy, light, sudden ideas, speak to your heart and your mind, share the testimony of the spirit in our lives- be cautious of experiences that are too sacred

Elder Clayton (Presidency of the Seventy)- burdens, three sources- natural product of the world in which we live, imposed by misconduct of others, our own mistakes and shortcomings, burden of sin, unique individual experiences help us return to him, heaven’s perspective “a small moment, if we endure it well, God shall exalt us on high”, provide opportunities to practice virtues- yield to enticing of spirit, become a saint and a child- submissive, meek humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things the Lord has in store for us, burdens become blessings -are well disguised, time, effort and faith to accept and understand

Brother Russell T Osgathrope- (Sunday School President)- receive the truth we will be saved by it- we acted upon it- Joseph smith, sharing knowledge of gospel- draw upon spirit- effective teaching 1- key doctrine, 2- invitation to action, 3- promised blessings, teaching- no greater call, live the principle they are teaching, think about, feel about and then do something about living gospel principles- President Monson, prepared when the time came, “aim high

Elder Bednar- ears that hear and hearts that feel, express love and show it- family, do more and become better, say it, mean it, consistently to show it, express and demonstrate, thoughts, words and deeds, bare testimony and live it, divinity and reality f the Father and the Son, of the plan of happiness and the restoration, what we know is not always reflected in what we do, bear it, mean it, consistently to live it, declare and live, be consistent, defining moment of spiritual development, ordinary, individual brushstrokes- canvas of our souls

President Uchtdorf- , why should we love God? – his power and dominion is independent of our approval or decision, we need to love God- what we love determines what we seek, what we seek determines what we think and do, what we think and do determines who we are and what we will become, part of our spiritual heritage, greatest of all good things is God, glorious and infinite existence, progress in knowledge and glory until we receive a fullness of joy, has promised us all that he has- not enough reason to love Heavenly Father- we love him because he first loved us, why does he love us?- purest love- multiply by an infinite amount, though we are incomplete, imperfect, lost without compass, completely, perfectly, encompasses us completely, holy, pure and indescribable love, not because of resume but because we are his children, no matter sorrow or mistakes- draw near to him so he can draw near to us

Take back what i said earlier.... patience is VASTLY overrated....

Someone please explain to me why whenever you are dreading something it comes way too quickly and whenever you are looking forward to something it takes FOREVER to get here? Case in point.... tax day? Always comes sooner than you were expecting..... Christmas? Always takes longer to arrive at. I don't understand. But coming from someone who's survived 24 Christmas mornings.... patience and I do not get along. Well, let me rephrase. If I know what I'm waiting for, and I know that regardless of how long I wait I will get what it is I'm waiting for- it isn't that bad. However, if I'm waiting for something with no solid guarantee that I'm going to get it.....issues!

You can't tell that I'm counting down to something can you? I have just one question.... is it tomorrow yet? ;)