No, I am not an expert. I'm not a novice. I'm not even a master. Yet, I've aquired some knowledge over the quarter century of my life. Knowledge that at times I follow and at times I completely reject. Which may or may not explain why I'm still single. Yet from my successes and not so successes I've picked up some basic elementary tips- the base work for how to and how not to date. Throw on top of that the state in which we live and the religion to which I'm a part, and it makes the "basics" even funnier.
Rule #1- be yourself. You will never win someone over by being someone you're not. It seems so simple and logical but you will be surprised. How many times do we wear a certain color, or a certain scent, or a certain pair of jeans because we think it will impress that one person who likes said color, scent or jeans? How many times do we look up a movie, book, production or sports team on Wikipedia so when it comes up in a conversation we can pretend to know what we are talking about? How many times do we listen to a song on I tunes or You Tube so we can sing along to it on the radio- thereby illicting the response "you like this song too? AWESOME!" Course, if you were to ask us the name of the c.d., band, or other singles-we wouldn't have a clue.
Yet, at times, we don't look past the initial "shock and awe" phase. We see what we want, we do what we have to to get what we want. When said person actually asks for our number, adds us on facebook or does the unthinkable and asks us out-we fly into a twitter. (Not literally of course-though I'm sure some people add it to the status the minute they get home. Or the minute mobile web comes up on their cell phone.) We plan the outfit, we plan the hair style, we plan the hour to minute to second activites. So what happens when on said first date, partner asks us about our "other" interests? "I know you love so and so, or you like listening to such and such, or you like to read whats amabucket....but what else do you like to do?" Well, now we find ourselves in a bit of a pickle. Do we continue to name and list things off we know the other person likes so we look and sound more like them? Or do we take a figurative step off the cliff and actually admit to our own individual tastes and opinions? We worked so hard to make ourselves appealing to the other person- do we step on all our hard work to actually look and sound like ourselves?
Here's a tip. You can be attracted to someone, you can flirt with someone, you can go out with someone, you can like someone and you can even love someone- and be different. Different is good. Different is great. We share common values, we share some common interests but in the end, we can share a love and a life together regardless of whether we like the same foods, books, movies or sports teams.
Though prepare to not talk to each other for a week in November if one of you is a Ute and one of you is a Cougar. Just saying.
Step 2- Quit looking for the "right one" or the "perfect one" the first few go arounds. You'll be bitterly disappointed.
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