Friendship

I learned a lot about that word this week. About what it is to be a good friend- and to want good friends around you. I learned about what it means to be a good person- and what it means to want good people in your life. and what the word "good" actually means. 

There is a person in my life- who has changed my life, who has changed me. And there are some who would look at this person and see only what they want to see- what they've been programmed to see or what others tell them to see. They don't stop and listen to what this person has to say, they don't stop and listen to where this person came from, they don't stop and listen to why this person became who they are. They only care about what this person may or may not have done in the past- about who they THINK this person is. And how many times do we do that as human beings? Do we look at someone, judge someone, perceive someone based on what others have said about them, what others have thought about them? How many times do we swallow our own pride, our own prejudices and see people as they REALLY are- not as we hope they are and not even as we think they are?


And then, do we ever stop and think about what those perceptions and those attitudes would do to those people we judge, those people we don't give second or third chances to. Do we ever stop and wonder about what our actions and our words do to others? How it might change how they see themselves, how they view themselves? That perhaps by us thinking they are a certain way, they might just start believing that's who they are- and so they will start talking differently, or acting differently, or seeing themselves differently? They might start thinking perhaps there is something wrong with them, or perhaps they aren't as good a person as they thought- or perhaps- and this is the heartbreaking part- perhaps they are just unlovable. 


And for what? Because one or two or a group of people think a certain person has never changed- or is inherently bad- or they automatically put them into a category based off a story- or an experience- or one mistake. That because of that one moment- this person is suddenly a disgrace, a mistake, a villian. Guess what world- everyone makes mistakes. Some are bigger than others. But no one is perfect. If we were- there wouldn't be any reason for us to be here. What would you do if for every mistake you made- you lost a friend? Or someone took a bad decision you  made and used it to form their opinions of you for the rest of your life? Or they took a difficult time in your life and thought because of how you reacted during that difficult time, that must mean you are that way ALL of the time? Or for every mistake you made- someone decided it was one mistake too many and they cut you from their life? Which is really hypocritical since- like I said before- we all make mistakes. Or what if you were trying to do something you thought was right- trying to stand up for those you love- those you care about- and someone took it the wrong way- and then held that against you and treated you differently because of it? They resent you for again- what they THINK- you did to them and their life. But of course- they won't ever tell you they resent you. They won't ever tell you what they think- they will continue being nice to your face, happy to see you, happy you are a part of their life. 


Then we have the other kind of hypocrite- who will judge you for a mistake you made- which may be on a slightly larger scale then a mistake they made- but of course you are the terrible person since you were the one who got caught- or worse yet- you are the one who can actually admit that you make mistakes to begin with. They too are nice to your face- saying all the things you think you want to hear. Acting like the friend you thought they were- the friend you've tried for so long to be. The kind of friend who is there no matter what, no judgments, no tensions, no punishments. The kind of friend who listens to all your stories, loves you for who you are and trusts you, relies on you, celebrates you. Now granted, I shouldn't be too harsh on this group of people. Didn't I say earlier that we shouldn't base our impressions on people off one decision, one moment in their life when they might not have acted or treated or said things in the wisest way? however- if they are willing to look at me differently, or treat me differently because of that one moment- or worse- see one of my best friends that way and choose to cut THEM out of their lives- why should I still be friends with them? or at least- the same kind of friends we were before that one mistake happened? 


Yet- that goes back to where I started. How we don't always think about how we treat others is going to determine how they see themselves. I have seen firsthand though what mis-perceptions can do to people- and I've also seen firsthand what kind of friends I want to have- and what kind of friend I want to be. And from here on out- I stand with my "safe places." THOSE are the friends I'll fight for- and I'll let them fight for me.