what we want most

No, this will not be a continuation of my dating advice and blunders. I was practicing for something that ended up not coming to fruition. Fine by me, don't think the Wasatch Front wants to hear my dating 101s anyway.

This is me wondering what the heck I've done. You pray for something, you wish for something with all your heart and you do everything in your power to help it happen. Then when it does happen, you find yourself at a crossroads. Should you be happy with the knowledge you may finally be getting what you've wanted, what you've hoped for after all this time? Or do you wonder if this is simply God's way of saying "you've asked enough times, it will happen-but the end result may not be what you think."

Then, what happens if someone you care about more than life itself gets hurt or lives through a negative experience in order for you to get what you want? What happens if in order to fully accept and live with what you wished for you lose something else in the process? What happens if you can't get more than one "what you wish for" and so you have to choose between one or another? What happens if you finally get everything your heart desired but you dont know where to go or what to do from there?

To jump from what is known, what is comfortable, what is planned for into the abyss of unknown, unseen and unexpected is one of the scariest and longest jumps people can make. One of two things can happen. Either you find on the other side the best, most incredible result your head and heart could have ever hoped for, or you fall like a rock into an ever ending darkness wondering the whole way down why you were stupid enough to jump to begin with. Then, comes the impact. Your whole world crashes down around you and your heart, body and soul completely shatter while the rest of world points and laughs and scolds "see children? that's why you should never do what they did."

Yet, what of the other option? The option that allows you to be happier than you've ever been, to live through adventures you're only dreamed of, to experience emotions and feelings you've never been privy to before and to live a life full of joy, ecstasy and love. Pure, chaste, benevolent, even holy love. The type of love that sustains you through the hardest of days, the roughest of storms, the strongest of battles and the longest of times. The type of love that pushes you to be the best you can be, that changes your life simply by being there, that creates a world you never realized existed and opens doors to new possiblities, new dreams, new hope. The type of love you cling to with every ounce of strength in you, every core of your soul, every breath in your lungs, every pore of your skin, every beat of your heart and every ounce of your essence. The type of love you would do anything and everything for.

So, you close your eyes, pray with intent and sincerty of heart that the bridge will appear, let go of the sides and step out, fingers outstretched. What will await you when you open your eyes?

"Who knows? Here goes....."

Dating 101- Step One

No, I am not an expert. I'm not a novice. I'm not even a master. Yet, I've aquired some knowledge over the quarter century of my life. Knowledge that at times I follow and at times I completely reject. Which may or may not explain why I'm still single. Yet from my successes and not so successes I've picked up some basic elementary tips- the base work for how to and how not to date. Throw on top of that the state in which we live and the religion to which I'm a part, and it makes the "basics" even funnier.

Rule #1- be yourself. You will never win someone over by being someone you're not. It seems so simple and logical but you will be surprised. How many times do we wear a certain color, or a certain scent, or a certain pair of jeans because we think it will impress that one person who likes said color, scent or jeans? How many times do we look up a movie, book, production or sports team on Wikipedia so when it comes up in a conversation we can pretend to know what we are talking about? How many times do we listen to a song on I tunes or You Tube so we can sing along to it on the radio- thereby illicting the response "you like this song too? AWESOME!" Course, if you were to ask us the name of the c.d., band, or other singles-we wouldn't have a clue.

Yet, at times, we don't look past the initial "shock and awe" phase. We see what we want, we do what we have to to get what we want. When said person actually asks for our number, adds us on facebook or does the unthinkable and asks us out-we fly into a twitter. (Not literally of course-though I'm sure some people add it to the status the minute they get home. Or the minute mobile web comes up on their cell phone.) We plan the outfit, we plan the hair style, we plan the hour to minute to second activites. So what happens when on said first date, partner asks us about our "other" interests? "I know you love so and so, or you like listening to such and such, or you like to read whats amabucket....but what else do you like to do?" Well, now we find ourselves in a bit of a pickle. Do we continue to name and list things off we know the other person likes so we look and sound more like them? Or do we take a figurative step off the cliff and actually admit to our own individual tastes and opinions? We worked so hard to make ourselves appealing to the other person- do we step on all our hard work to actually look and sound like ourselves?

Here's a tip. You can be attracted to someone, you can flirt with someone, you can go out with someone, you can like someone and you can even love someone- and be different. Different is good. Different is great. We share common values, we share some common interests but in the end, we can share a love and a life together regardless of whether we like the same foods, books, movies or sports teams.

Though prepare to not talk to each other for a week in November if one of you is a Ute and one of you is a Cougar. Just saying.

Step 2- Quit looking for the "right one" or the "perfect one" the first few go arounds. You'll be bitterly disappointed.