this week never seems to end. i know that i need to be patient, that certain things have to happen to help us all become the sons and daughters the Lord wants us to be. there are things we have to learn a certain way to help us grow and mature. sometimes i dont want to mature. I want to be the little girl who runs around the playground, her braids flying behind her, no cares, no worries, no responsibities. But if I was that little child, I wouldn't be able to experience the amazing and incredible adventure I am on now. For that is what love is. An adventure. A challenge. A journey. An eyeopening risk. A step off the bridge that holds your hopes and dreams in one brief moment. One word can change the world-spin its off its course or stop it in its tracks. So I hold tight for now, my hands shaking but without the courage to let go. What if the pool beneath me swallows me whole and I'm left drowning without a hand to pull me up? But what if when I fall and open my eyes, I find myself flying. Soaring over all fears and dispair and pain. With someone by my side lifting me higher and higher until it feels like I'll touch the stars themselves. The journey continues whether on our own or with a friend, a partner, a lover, a soulmate, a forever companion. And while we are never alone-the journey does seem a bit shorter, a bit easier and a bit softer with that person by our side.
There are times I wish I could go back in time, Victorian age or early 1800s. The love stories from Austen, Dickens, Bronte (and North and South) touch my heart and gripe my soul. Sometimes I wish I could be in one of those love stories. But again, if I was there, I couldn't be here. And here is where I want to be. This week I've learned so much, I've gained such a testimony of prayer and truly, TRULY relying on our Savior. he has felt every pain, he has heard every cry, he has seen every meltdown. On our worst day, we find peace in the fact that he does know how he feel. He felt it. He suffered it for us. So he knows how to succor us, how to best help and how to wrap his arms around us and whisper the words we want to hear.
My words? "I'm home. I'm here. I'm never leaving again. You never have to worry about losing me-ever. I know exactly what I want and I'm looking right at it. I know what you know. I feel what you feel. I'm yours, forever."
Its so hard to let go of fear
When you dont know what lies ahead
Its so hard to let go of uncertainty
Not knowing actions or words said
You want to shout it so loud and clear
So everyone around you will hear
But while your heart screams from inside
your head behind reason hides
But I dont regret what I did say
I dont regret what I did that day
Maybe being wise isn't so bad
For a girl who wants what she cant have
Not because I'm not allowed to ask
Not because its beyond my grasp
But because i'm waiting for the proper time
To finally let this little light shine
Plus i couldn't dream of taking away
any experience that would help make
Him be the person God knows he can be
the person he'll be through eternity
I wont stand in anybodys way
Though i'm left waiting day to day
Why is it so easy to tell the world
But around certain people, I'm the shy girl
Who can't quite find the perfect words
Those who know me best know its absurd
So let me shout it as loud as I can
But not yet, the time isn't at hand
Endure for a moment, until the end its true
so I wait patiently, id wait forever for you.
